A Mr. Pibb Rebuttal

Hey Pepper
You’re not even a real doctor.
You’re just a fat old man
Who can’t handle a little challenge.
You know I’m not a college dropout
But the #1 draft pick of the NBA,
The National Beverage Association.
I climbed to the tippy top
Of the Mountain of Dew
And I have spit on the soda pop land below.
I have bitched slapped Coca and Pepsi,
The Cola brothers,
Including their redneck cousin RC.
I even married the love of my life,
The beautiful Cherry Coke,
I think you already know her.
And like my father,
Senor Brown Water,
I retired early,
Leaving my son, Pibb Xtra in charge.
Now my life is full
Of early morning tee times,
Month long Caribbean vacations,
And my favorite Lazy Sundays,
Where me plus Red Vines
Equals crazy delicious.
Now don’t be getting jealous D.P.
Cause I’m sure you’ve accomplished
A lot in your years.
After all, you are way more Tom Jones
Than J. Timberlake.